A520.1.4.RB - Self-Awareness Blog

A520.1.4.RB – Self-Awareness Blog

Describe how your level of self-awareness has changed since you began your MSLD program with respect to the "Five Core Aspects of Self-Awareness" (p. 49).

Since I started on the MSLD journey last year, I have discovered many things about myself and my approach to leadership. My level of self-awareness is growing and I’m finding that I have a long way to go. I’ve been passionate about leadership and how effective leadership is a game-changer in many aspects of life and this program has really opened my eyes. As corporate America organizations, we are sorely lacking in effective leadership; it is often sacrificed for profit and greed. I have to ask myself why this happens – who perpetuates this kind of behavior? How do we corral and redirect it? Leadership. That’s how. That’s how I see it anyway and I definitely want to be part of the solution. Last term I was in a class that was about organizational leadership and it brought out some really intense feelings in me – especially around the topics of power and influence and gender equality. I am finding that I’m not as emotionally mature as I had thought and that working on my core self-evaluation is very enlightening and difficult. My values come from a Mid-west upbringing and a strong sense of community and compassion. As I get older and travel through corporate America, those values make it difficult for me to play or even understand the political games because I feel like hard work and engagement speaks for itself. Obviously…that is not the case in most business environments and therein lies my struggle.

Self-awareness – honest self-awareness - is a humbling and strengthening exercise. This awareness allows us to see the strengths and weaknesses…some of our weaknesses can be strengths and strengths weaknesses in the right situations. My biggest weakness right now is my low emotional intelligence. I allow myself to get very personally impacted by decisions that I really don’t have any influence over. It comes down to my job that requires me to be a critical thinker and the conflict that has with my organizations leadership who requires us to just accept their ideas and plans as gospel. I get very emotionally affected by this struggle and feel defeat and demoralized more often than not. I understand what is happening and why I feel the way I do; but I don’t have the emotional intelligence to manage those reactions as effectively as I’d like to. I’m currently reading “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl and I just am continually in awe of his ability to have survived the horrors of the German concentration camps by just the strength of his will. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”  Frankl (2006). I sincerely wish that I could stop and meditate on that before I start to rant about how idiotic my organizations leadership is being. I try to understand what is motivating directives that seemingly come out of nonsense and farce – is leadership being ‘forced’ to do this? Is this change a pet project for someone who has more influence and power than sense? Maybe they don’t have a choice in this matter, maybe they don’t actually believe in or understand what they are asking us to do but out of commitment to the organization, they just ask anyway. Because so many of the projects and methods they implement make so little sense to the organization it’s like the leadership who issues the order has no idea what our business is, much less care. But then again, maybe they know something that we don’t and are in a sense protecting us. These things keep me up at night.

I also think that my attitude toward change is not as tolerant as I think it is. I like to think that I’m more right-brained…creative and free-spirited…but the older I get, the more I like predictability and order. My job is one of data collection, analysis, and coming up with ways to improve production via information. I am comforted by the data and that like evidence in a criminal investigation, the data doesn’t lie. My tolerance for ambiguity is not super high but in aerospace, ambiguity can be an everyday occurrence. My problem then is, when everything is “urgent” or “hot” – then nothing is “urgent” or “hot” because ambiguity has become the new normal. With that in mind…if we exist in a constant state of impending change and that becomes our standard then we lose the ability to see the importance of critical thinking and become more and more reactionary and thus less progressive and innovative. Although, companies that can think on their feet and change as needed are usually progressive and innovative so maybe I’m wrong.  I don’t know if my tolerance for ambiguity is something I’ve noticed more since I started in the MSLD program or am just now actually understand what is happening.

As another aspect of my attitude toward change, I do think that my locust of control is confused at best and non-existent at worse. Locust of control is, “the second dimension of orientation toward change…” and refers to “…the attitude people develop regarding the extent to which they are in control of their destinies.” Whetten (2016) Perhaps I am more in control of my destiny because I am enrolled in this program and I believe that the MSLD program is very important because I have not seen effective leadership demonstrated often so I know that we need it and consequently am taking these classes because I don’t want to exacerbate the problem but support and be an active part of the solution.

Lastly, my cognitive style has changed since I started this program. I used to be more of a creating style, leaning more toward the experimentation and creativity. I didn’t want to sit around and talk about solutions for hours of meetings, I wanted to try things and come up with solutions creatively and quickly. As I get older though, and my understanding of how data and analytics can be a more effective way to problem solve, my cognitive style has become more of the knowing style. Going back to last term’s discussion on power and influence, as an industrial engineer, my power and influence lies in the data and the meticulous analysis and validation of data. “Individuals who score high on the knowing style tend to emphasize facts, details, and data. They seek clear and objective solutions to problems.” Whetten (2016) Information we pass on to managers and executives is used to make big capital and staffing changes. We can’t afford to be nonchalant about it. Of course, there is a time for creativity and experimentation for solutions, but underneath it all is data.

This is only my third class in the MSLD program. I feel like I’m shedding old skin and with raw and new skin am learning more about what being a leader means to me personally and in business.

Resources:

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's search for meaning. Boston: Beacon Press.

Whetten, D. A., & Cameron, K. S. (2016). Developing management skills (9., global ed. ed.). Boston, Mass. [u.a.]: Pearson.

A511.8.3.RB - Gender

Now, reflect upon and analyze what Rosabeth Moss Kanter has to say and how that does or does not coincide with what Yukl says about gender-based discrimination. Do you agree? Why or why not.

I have been stewing and chewing on the subject of gender equality for almost two weeks now. Honestly, I am annoyed and disappointed that we are still having this conversation. I won’t belabor the point but I wanted to get that out there. Prof. Kanter touched on quite a few interesting points. She talked about how “[D]iscrimination sometimes happens quietly and behind closed doors.” (Kanter) Assumptions are made about how dedicated a woman candidate might be to an organization because of her obligations to family. “[I]t was assumed that effective leaders must be confident, task-oriented, competitive, objective, decisive, and assertive, all of which were traditionally viewed as masculine attributes.” (Yukl, 2013) Perhaps other men thought that these attributes were masculine based on their biases – intentional or not. I can tell you that I have known many women with these attributes who have been passed over for positions and promotions that they were more than qualified for.

It’s important that managers make hiring/firing/promotion decisions based on what is best for their team and ultimately the organization but I know that closed-door discrimination happens. I don’t even know if it’s all necessarily that closed-door or quiet. “[A] type of biased result can occur in a comparative study that fails to take into account how organizational factors may have a differential influence on the skills of men and women who are in the same type of leadership positions.” (Yukl, 2013) Sometimes, managers are unintentionally discriminatory but this doesn’t make it any easier. There is still a lingering feeling that women won’t truly be able to commit to a high demand position because of obligations to family – maybe it’s not really even a conscious thing anymore but it’s there. I think that when making those decisions, hiring managers just have that little thing in the back of their head that’s like, “Yeah she’s super qualified and ambitious…but what if the baby is sick?” When working with new managers or on a project team, I always mention that I don’t have any kids. I don’t know why I do that but most likely it is because I too have bought into the idea that a woman with a family won’t be able to hang with the guys.

There are so many subtle gender discriminations that have become part of the culture in corporate America. People assume I have kids until I tell them I don’t. When I meet a man I don’t assume he has kids or is married…I just wonder how well we’ll work together and I hope that he doesn’t like to microwave fish for lunch. I can say the same about women though…I don’t assume that they have kids or a spouse. (The working together and microwaving fish thing is the same too.) I don’t think those things have any impact on how well a person does their job. I don’t think those things have anything to do with how committed to the organization the person is or how competent they are. In fact, women are actually programmed to be better leaders. “The difference is a result pf childhood experiences, parent-child interactions, and socialization practices that reflect cultural sex-role stereotypes and beliefs about gender differences and appropriate occupations for men and women.” (Yukl, 2013) We are programmed to be caretakers and have compassion for other people which in turn makes women capable and impactful leaders. It is a sad thing when women are underestimated. I have literally sat in meetings where I have made a contribution to a conversation and no one even acknowledges that I’ve spoken. When I raise my voice – which I’m not afraid to do - even a little to be heard above the fray, my team will stop and ask me, “What’s wrong? Are you mad?” I just smile and let them know that I was just trying to be heard over their pontifications. I seriously get tired of having to fight that battle every day. People think that I’m combative or inflexible when I make my points but I don’t say it any differently than my male co-workers so I can only think that it’s that I’m a woman. I find that if I preface a sentence with, “Maybe this is a dumb question…” or “Maybe I misunderstood but did you say…” that I’m received better. It is frustrating and humiliating.

One of the questions that Prof. Kanter was asked was “Education is exactly the same. Why aren’t the wages and opportunities?” (Kanter, 2010) People have more choices and are better educated. Women and men receive the same educational opportunities so when they graduate with the exact same degrees, why aren’t they compared apples-to-apples? It just doesn’t make any sense. “What you do is more important than who you are, and individual achievements can be an important source of status and self-esteem.” (Yukl, 2013) I have the same business degree as my co-workers but I’m the first one my boss comes to when he wants to have a party or team-building exercise. I am the last person he thinks of when there is a project to manage and I have a minor in project management. My male co-workers all get to be part of high exposure workshops and business travel but I have to beg to even be considered. One of the people I work with won’t even carpool with me because he doesn’t want to be in a car alone with another woman. I have a lot of respect for him; he is a deeply religious guy and married but what does he think is going to happen? Why did he even have to tell me this? It was awkward and made me feel ashamed for absolutely no other reason than because I’m a woman. Clearly he wouldn’t have had that conversation with a man.  

I feel like this reflection is a bit disjointed and maybe I’ve really overthought this whole thing but in my opinion, it all just comes down to human nature. That might sound a bit defeatist but women have had the same roles throughout all the ages. I’m not accepting that as how it has to always be, but knowing where we came from is important when understanding where we need to go. It’s just that this journey is taking much longer than it should.

References:

Kanter, R.M. (April 2, 2010). Women, Ambition and (Still) the Pay Gap. Uploaded on Apr 2, 2010. Harvard Business School. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhquUOlBuOY&feature=youtu.be&t=5s

Yukl, G. A. (2013). Leadership in organizations (8th ed.). Boston: Pearson.