A520.1.4.RB - Self-Awareness Blog

A520.1.4.RB – Self-Awareness Blog

Describe how your level of self-awareness has changed since you began your MSLD program with respect to the "Five Core Aspects of Self-Awareness" (p. 49).

Since I started on the MSLD journey last year, I have discovered many things about myself and my approach to leadership. My level of self-awareness is growing and I’m finding that I have a long way to go. I’ve been passionate about leadership and how effective leadership is a game-changer in many aspects of life and this program has really opened my eyes. As corporate America organizations, we are sorely lacking in effective leadership; it is often sacrificed for profit and greed. I have to ask myself why this happens – who perpetuates this kind of behavior? How do we corral and redirect it? Leadership. That’s how. That’s how I see it anyway and I definitely want to be part of the solution. Last term I was in a class that was about organizational leadership and it brought out some really intense feelings in me – especially around the topics of power and influence and gender equality. I am finding that I’m not as emotionally mature as I had thought and that working on my core self-evaluation is very enlightening and difficult. My values come from a Mid-west upbringing and a strong sense of community and compassion. As I get older and travel through corporate America, those values make it difficult for me to play or even understand the political games because I feel like hard work and engagement speaks for itself. Obviously…that is not the case in most business environments and therein lies my struggle.

Self-awareness – honest self-awareness - is a humbling and strengthening exercise. This awareness allows us to see the strengths and weaknesses…some of our weaknesses can be strengths and strengths weaknesses in the right situations. My biggest weakness right now is my low emotional intelligence. I allow myself to get very personally impacted by decisions that I really don’t have any influence over. It comes down to my job that requires me to be a critical thinker and the conflict that has with my organizations leadership who requires us to just accept their ideas and plans as gospel. I get very emotionally affected by this struggle and feel defeat and demoralized more often than not. I understand what is happening and why I feel the way I do; but I don’t have the emotional intelligence to manage those reactions as effectively as I’d like to. I’m currently reading “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl and I just am continually in awe of his ability to have survived the horrors of the German concentration camps by just the strength of his will. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”  Frankl (2006). I sincerely wish that I could stop and meditate on that before I start to rant about how idiotic my organizations leadership is being. I try to understand what is motivating directives that seemingly come out of nonsense and farce – is leadership being ‘forced’ to do this? Is this change a pet project for someone who has more influence and power than sense? Maybe they don’t have a choice in this matter, maybe they don’t actually believe in or understand what they are asking us to do but out of commitment to the organization, they just ask anyway. Because so many of the projects and methods they implement make so little sense to the organization it’s like the leadership who issues the order has no idea what our business is, much less care. But then again, maybe they know something that we don’t and are in a sense protecting us. These things keep me up at night.

I also think that my attitude toward change is not as tolerant as I think it is. I like to think that I’m more right-brained…creative and free-spirited…but the older I get, the more I like predictability and order. My job is one of data collection, analysis, and coming up with ways to improve production via information. I am comforted by the data and that like evidence in a criminal investigation, the data doesn’t lie. My tolerance for ambiguity is not super high but in aerospace, ambiguity can be an everyday occurrence. My problem then is, when everything is “urgent” or “hot” – then nothing is “urgent” or “hot” because ambiguity has become the new normal. With that in mind…if we exist in a constant state of impending change and that becomes our standard then we lose the ability to see the importance of critical thinking and become more and more reactionary and thus less progressive and innovative. Although, companies that can think on their feet and change as needed are usually progressive and innovative so maybe I’m wrong.  I don’t know if my tolerance for ambiguity is something I’ve noticed more since I started in the MSLD program or am just now actually understand what is happening.

As another aspect of my attitude toward change, I do think that my locust of control is confused at best and non-existent at worse. Locust of control is, “the second dimension of orientation toward change…” and refers to “…the attitude people develop regarding the extent to which they are in control of their destinies.” Whetten (2016) Perhaps I am more in control of my destiny because I am enrolled in this program and I believe that the MSLD program is very important because I have not seen effective leadership demonstrated often so I know that we need it and consequently am taking these classes because I don’t want to exacerbate the problem but support and be an active part of the solution.

Lastly, my cognitive style has changed since I started this program. I used to be more of a creating style, leaning more toward the experimentation and creativity. I didn’t want to sit around and talk about solutions for hours of meetings, I wanted to try things and come up with solutions creatively and quickly. As I get older though, and my understanding of how data and analytics can be a more effective way to problem solve, my cognitive style has become more of the knowing style. Going back to last term’s discussion on power and influence, as an industrial engineer, my power and influence lies in the data and the meticulous analysis and validation of data. “Individuals who score high on the knowing style tend to emphasize facts, details, and data. They seek clear and objective solutions to problems.” Whetten (2016) Information we pass on to managers and executives is used to make big capital and staffing changes. We can’t afford to be nonchalant about it. Of course, there is a time for creativity and experimentation for solutions, but underneath it all is data.

This is only my third class in the MSLD program. I feel like I’m shedding old skin and with raw and new skin am learning more about what being a leader means to me personally and in business.

Resources:

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's search for meaning. Boston: Beacon Press.

Whetten, D. A., & Cameron, K. S. (2016). Developing management skills (9., global ed. ed.). Boston, Mass. [u.a.]: Pearson.