A641.2.3.RB - Am I a
Resonant Leader
This was a very difficult exercise for me. I don’t like to
think about whether or not I inspire people or if people can see that I’m in
tune with myself. I feel like I’m in a constant state of chaos and that is what
I’m pretty sure people see when they look at me…if indeed they do look at me.
But, I did surprise myself a little with my answers to the questions because
after I zoomed out a little and thought about things from other people’s
perspectives, or my idea of those perspectives, sometimes I saw that if I didn't think I could inspire people, the opportunities are there to start trying.
Do I inspire people? I’m not sure that inspire would be the
exact word that I would use, but I try to encourage people to be their best. It’s a challenge to “be who you are” when
you aren’t sure who that is. (Rockwell, 2012) When people come to me and
complain about something, I am compassionate and may even commiserate a little
but I also ask them what they are going to do to fix it. I try to encourage
people to think about the big picture, look outward and maybe the issue will
make more sense or they’ll see it isn’t personal. I hope that I inspire people to
think critically about the world around them and to ask the questions of
themselves and others that need to be asked. In zooming out a bit, maybe these
folks do start to behave differently, ask better questions and get to critically
understand their environment because of something I’ve mentioned. I’m usually
the person who sits in a very technical meeting about some process or another
but at the end will ask the question that has to do with realistic situations.
For example, I sat in a meeting this week about moving an inspection process up
a couple of days in the flow so that splices could be made earlier. I listened
to engineers and managers pontificate and make assumptions about all kinds of
scenarios. Finally I just asked, “Has anyone talked to the mechanics? The people
who actually work on the airplane?” *insert record scratch* Everyone just kind
of looked at me like, “Who brought the buzz killer?” But in the end, we had
another meeting where there was a lead mechanic from every area impacted. Did I
inspire that? Maybe. But I definitely influenced it.
I do believe that I create an overall positive emotional tone
that is characterized by hope…most of the time anyway. I am always hopeful that
people will do the right thing and that companies will do right by their
employees. Whenever someone at work talks about what can’t be done and why
something is so awful. I always…and I mean always…say “Hey, we were part of a
group of people who put men on the moon. We can figure this out.” I say this
mostly to center myself and regroup my thoughts. Half the time it gets a
chuckle out of the group but I’m totally serious when I say it. In my personal
life, I’m hopeful that my husband will stay healthy and my family is safe. I’m
hopeful that this move to South Carolina was the right thing to do even though
my heart is breaking and I have no idea what I’m doing. And I’m trying very
hard to stay hopeful in our current political situation even though my gut
reaction is pure disgust. It is one thing to hear wake-up calls; it is quite
another to act on them, to become a resonant leader who is able to sustain that
resonance through difficult times. (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005) I have definitely
fallen short many times and have created or contributed to a negative emotional
tone. There is one woman on my current team that just completely frustrates me
and I’ve been a little dismissive with her as a defense mechanism to her
tendency to be dismissive of others. I’ve had to sit back and think about why
she’s like that and how it doesn’t help for me to exacerbate the negativity.
So, right now, I’m using the avoidance tactic in the hopes that less exposure
will help. This isn’t ideal but it is giving me space to think about it.
Being in touch with others and knowing what is in other
people’s hearts and minds is really difficult. I used to think that when people
were having a bad day that they were clearly mad at me. But then I got older
and realized that everyone has their battles to fight and their own ideas of
what’s supposed to happen versus what actually happens. At the core of that
question though, no one really knows what’s in another person’s heart and mind.
Not truly. We only see what they do and say and base our observations and
opinions on that. Leadership is a conscious process, starting with clarity about
one’s own personal vision and hopes for the future. (Boyatzis, Johnston &
McKee, 2008) I work with a guy who is absolutely miserable at his job. He feels
like the whole leadership team is out to get him and that no matter what he
does, it won’t be enough or even right. He also has several businesses outside
of work that he runs and knows that someday, that’s where his heart will be
full-time. I can tell that he is hurting, he is frustrated and tired. He talks
to me about these things and I try to remind him that he is so young, he has
his whole life to do what he wants to do. He should, at this point in his life,
say yes to as much as possible because one day, he’ll settle down, have kids, get
a mortgage, and then it won’t matter that he isn’t passionate about his job. He’ll
have to figure it out. I’m not telling him to quit his job at Boeing…that’s
crazy. But I’m asking him questions and trying to help him see what’s truly in
his heart and mind because honestly, sometimes we don’t even know. I hope that
from his perspective, he sees me as someone who is coming from a place of
compassion, experience, and encouragement.
I sincerely hope that I demonstrate compassion. I don’t
expect compassion from other people so when I experience it, I’m always
thankful. I had an abuse situation in my childhood that created in me a fierce
desire to make sure that I’m not the one who inflicts pain on other people –
mental or physical. I know what it’s like to feel scared and small, helpless
and alone so I approach people in a manner that is kind and optimistic. At
least I try to. I also have a temper that flares up most when I feel like I
have no control over something. I think that my default is a smile and not a grimace.
That has to mean something. I have been told by teams I’ve left that when I was
gone it was like the joy was gone. I think that I bring a sense of lightness to
an otherwise intense work environment. Resonant leaders negotiate the
challenges of constant change and leave people feeling uplifted, even in
difficult times. (Boyatzis, Johnston & McKee, 2008) It isn’t that I don’t
get the seriousness or gravity of a situation, it’s just that I know that
whatever we do, life will go on so we just need to do our best…and laugh. It
makes me feel good to know that I’ve left a legacy of positive feelings at
least.
Am I authentic and in tune with myself, others, and the
environment? How can people see this in me? I absolutely do not feel in tune
with any of these things. I try to be aware of other people and how they seem
to be…I try to “read the room” effectively but I always think that I’m missing
that gene that gives some people that fire that rages within. I don’t have that
fire. I’m just rubbing sticks together blowing on dry leaves! So, in tune? Not
so much. Aware? Yes, as much as possible. As far as on a team, at work, I
listen to people a lot. I listen to their worries and fears and empathize with
them. This also goes back to the inspiration thing I think. But here’s the good
news, I’m working on my authenticity and being in tune with myself. This is
where I think we have to start in order to really be in tune with others. Inspire others to seek their greatest contribution, not
the one you want them to make. (Rockwell, 2012)
References:
Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership.
Boston, Massachusetts: Harvard Business School.
Boyatzis, R., Johnston, F. & McKee, A. (2008). Becoming
a Resonant Leader. Boston, Massachusetts: Harvard Business Press.
Rockwell, D. (2012, May 6). How to Navigate the Path
to Authenticity. Leadership Freak. https://leadershipfreak.blog/2012/05/06/how-to-navigate-the-path-to-authenticity/
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