A521.8.4.RB - Making Contact

A521.8.4.RB - Making Contact

McKay, Davis and Fanning provide some direction for making contact with strangers. How comfortable are you striking up a conversation with someone new?. Are you able to "work a room" with ease?

In your blog, reflect on aspects of your personality and/or upbringing which make you able to relate to strangers easily—o r not so easily. What lessons can you take from Chapter 14 of Messages to improve your ability to connect with others?

I love how McKay introduces this chapter: “The world is full of interesting strangers. Every day potential friends and lovers pass you in the hallway and the parking lot. It’s the art of beginnings.” (McKay, 2009) Absolutely.

Growing up, my family moved around a lot. We weren’t a military family, we just moved around a lot. This was mostly due to my Dad working as an Airframe Mechanic and him having to go wherever the Beechcraft contracts took him. My Mom was an English teacher so she was able to adapt her skillset to a new job when we had to move. Since she was a teacher, we usually moved in the summer and since we moved in the summer, she usually stuck us immediately into Vacation Bible School at the local Lutheran church. I think this served two purposes: for us to meet people, and for us to be out of the way while they unpacked and moved things around.

This constant moving around forced me to make new friends and when we moved, it also taught me the value of keeping in touch and fostering long-distance friendships. As an adult, I married an active duty military soldier and we moved around, when that first marriage broke apart, I had to figure out what I was going to do and moving into a place of my own wasn’t scary (it was sad because getting divorced sucked) because I was used to dealing with new situations. When I remarried, I ended up marrying a retired military soldier! Ha! But now I’m the one who has the job that moves us everywhere. We are both used to it and see moving as an adventure. It can be lonely when we’re just starting out but we both know how to handle these new situations. We both also value the fact that we are each other’s constant and when you grow up moving around all the time, finding that constant is very important.

At work, I’m easy-going and am not afraid to speak up or introduce myself. I respect people who have higher “offices” than me but I’m really not intimidated because I’ve seen so many of these people fall. I know that we’re all just people and that everyone is fighting some battle or another so I rely on humanity and compassion to make an impression on people. I used to volunteer for things as soon as I could but the more technical my work became, the more that tactic actually backfired on me so now I observe and engage with questions until I’m confident to volunteer for projects or special assignments. I understand that whatever my standing was in my last team…whatever seniority I had is now gone and I stand at the bottom of the pile again, at least as far as the team is concerned. I’m respectful of this and don’t make demands or try to show off but I definitely don’t let people take advantage of me or assume I’m easily manipulated. I am cognizant of the first impression I make just as much as I’m aware of the first impressions people make on me. I’m careful with my trust now as a result of learning the hard way and am careful with any trust put in me. I think part of this is experience and part of it is just getting older and having less and less to prove to myself. I know what I’m capable of and I know what risks I can take and when. It’s all a process and one day, maybe, I’ll get to just stay in one place! Ha!

Reference:

McKay, M., Davis, M., Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills Book. Oakland, CA. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.